Adoption is a Roller Coaster

First, let me say the adoption fell through.  I haven't been posting on Facebook because of privacy issues and because we have been grieving the loss of the baby we called our son for three months.

Before he was born, the birth mom was having doubts, then realize again that it was best for the baby. The last month and half before he was born was very stressful as we went through her back and forth once a week.  Then he was born and it was going through.  We were up at the hospital to see him when he was just an hour old.  We also had time alone with him the next day. My precious husband and I were so enthralled with him.  I was telling him about Jesus and praying over him.  Eric introduced him to his new family. We left the hospital with time set up the next day to sign the papers. Then we got a call in the morning from our lawyer to not go up to the hospital. She was backing out of the adoption. We had to tell our sweet Maria and Nadja we weren't bringing their brother home from the hospital. Maria's response to the last changing her mind episode was "That's OK, we can adopt another baby."  Nadja was heartbroken. 

As we went through the holidays that we planned to have him home with us, we have still been grieving.  We are planning to still pursue adoption. If you blessed us with gifts at our shower, I'm sorry I haven't sent out a thank you.  We were waiting to include a picture, then it's been too hard.  Since we are planning to adopt still, your gift will be used.  However if you would like it back, you can privately let me know.

Please pray for the baby we planned on adopting. The reasons for the adoption choice have not changed, she just went with emotion rather than reason. Also please pray for the child God has for us. I have thought the whole time this may be God preparing us for another child. We continue to praise Him for the work he is doing in us. Thank you everyone for your continued prayers and support. 

Our family's new journey

A friend of mine has a 3-year old daughter who is battling leukemia.  She posted on August 30 about prayers that have been prayed for so long they fall off your prayer list because you assume "it's not in God's will or something".  That was the day that one of my prayers that I had been praying for 17 years and had fallen off the prayer list was starting to be answered.  We were asked to adopt the baby of someone we know.

I had just recently decided in my head that I was getting too old to still wish for a child.  I know that it was not in God's plan for Eric and I to have children when it was necessary for us to raise our nieces.  They needed to be our only focus.  Then I had decided (made a vow) that we were not going to pursue adoption unless it fell into our laps.  Then it did.

We took time to pray, fast, and seek Godly wisdom, while in my heart I was jumping up and down and saying "YES!".  We decided at the end of September to pursue the adoption.  Then we found out how much it was going to cost.  So, while fully trusting God for the finances, we went ahead and found a lawyer and set up the home study.

We are currently not fully funded for the adoption.  I freak out regularly about this and cry out to God. Boy is this a trust journey!  We are also feeling the pressure to get the home study done.  Our son is due November 27, but they are talking about delivering him early, the 13th or the 22nd.

I have struggled with allowing myself to be really excited.  The birth mom has already expressed doubts in her ability to go through with the adoption, even though she has been certain of this path since she found out she was pregnant.  Eric and I are moving ahead on faith that she continues to seek God for what is best for her baby.  If the adoption does not goes through, we will mourn the death of our dream for this baby and seek God's peace for His plan.

We ask that if you feel led, pray for us.  God already has the money, we just don't know where it is.  Also pray for the birth mom.  She is in a lot of pain with other medical issues.  Pray that Eric and I will not be discouraged in the wait and will rest in Him.